Repairing Impact at a Soccer Game

By Lisa Bedinger

A high school soccer game between two Vermont schools shifted from camaraderie and competition to harm as fans from one team directed painful comments about race, sexual orientation, and class at opposing players. In many districts, the "standard" response is suspension and hope that the tension fades. These two schools decided to try a different game plan. They called Lisa Bedinger of Starling Collaborative to facilitate a restorative approach.

Lisa, who specializes in identity harm and has over 15 years of experience in restorative practices, didn't want punishment. She looked for ways to repair what happened and measures to prevent future occurrences. One student stepped forward, willing to own his part in the incident. Under Lisa’s guidance, he didn't just "serve time"—he did the work to understand his impact by participating in a series of learning conversations.

As part of this work, he interviewed three adults who identify as LGBTQ+ to hear from them how slurs impact them and their sense of safety. Supported by his mother, he navigated dialogues with Lisa about racism, homophobia, and the realities of poverty.  His mother commented on how pleased she was about how much he learned and grew as a result of the process. The outcome of this situation wasn't just a checked box; it was growth and learning. Over time, the student became more honest and open, eventually putting his regret and learning into words. 

To anybody that was impacted by my actions,

I want to start this letter off by saying I am very sorry for things I said that have offended my peers or any other people in my environment. I understand the language I used was not okay at all. I have completed a restorative process to learn from my mistakes, and put myself in another person's shoes. So for the language I used directed and not directed I sincerely apologize for all of it. 

As for the player that I was using this language towards, I now see how words like that can discourage another person and I would never want to be in that position myself, and I am sorry for the way my comments made you feel.

For the impacted team’s coach, principal, players, and their family members, they saw the opposing school's commitment—not just in words, but in their investment in Lisa’s time to lead a restorative process. They appreciated the players on the opposing team who offered unsolicited apologies on the field. Lisa facilitated dialogues with those affected to learn how they and others were impacted.

As a final and ongoing part of the work, the administrators are reviewing the circumstances that contributed to the situation in order to reduce the likelihood of it happening again. Here are the principals’ words that he and Lisa shared with those impacted.

Dear Principal,

I am writing to follow up regarding the report of inappropriate behavior by fans during the soccer game between [our schools this fall]. I want to thank you again for bringing this matter to our attention and for the professionalism shown throughout this process.

Upon receiving the report, [we] took the concern seriously and immediately began a thorough review. This included conducting interviews with students, parents, and game officials to gain a complete understanding of the incident. Through this process, we were able to identify a student who took responsibility for his actions. We also learned that there were spectators not affiliated with the school who contributed to the inappropriate behavior.

In response, we partnered with Starling Collaborative to provide appropriate intervention and education. Representatives from Starling Collaborative met directly with the student and his parent as part of a restorative process. This work focused on helping the student understand the impact of the hurtful language he directed toward a student-athlete from the opposing team and to reinforce expectations for respectful conduct at all school-sponsored events.

In addition to addressing the individual behavior, we have reflected on our systems and supervision practices. As a result of this incident, we are making changes to how we assign the Administrator in Charge for sporting events to ensure clearer oversight and accountability during and after contests. We believe this adjustment will strengthen our ability to proactively monitor and respond to concerns in real time.

We have also taken steps to contribute to broader learning beyond our school. We have met with Lauren Young from the VPA to review how we handled this situation so that our response, lessons learned, and restorative approach can inform best practices across other schools.

Looking ahead, one of our next steps is to engage in a deeper review of how [our school] can strengthen sportsmanship over time. We will be examining proactive strategies—such as clearer spectator expectations, student leadership involvement, and ongoing education around respectful conduct—to ensure our athletic events consistently reflect our core values of respect, inclusion, and positive community engagement.

[We are] committed to fostering an environment of respect, sportsmanship, and inclusion, and we take incidents of this nature very seriously. We appreciate the opportunity to address the situation thoughtfully and to work collaboratively to ensure that our athletic events remain positive experiences for all students, families, and schools involved.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or would like to discuss this matter further.

Sincerely,

[Principal]

When Lisa shared the letters above with one of the parents of the player most impacted, she said, 

“Thank you so much for all of your work on this! We are happy that [the other school] has taken this seriously and that the main student involved was able to learn from this. [My son] was surprised to get the written apology. It actually exceeded my expectations of what would happen once we reported the incident and it showed [my son] that speaking up matters." 

The hope of those of us involved is that this process can become a model for how to resolve harm when it occurs between schools, which can be particularly challenging situations to figure out.